Stop Complaining! 10 Steps to a Happier You!

Is your relationship going downhill? I’d bet if you sit back for a few minutes and think you might just remember constantly complaining about what your significant other is not, or does not do; or do anymore. Don’t worry. It happens to the best of us sooner or later. Once the honeymoon stage is over you start seeing your mate for what they really are. All the things you use to love about him or her become annoyances.

It is of my utmost opinion that women tend to fall into this trap a bit more than men. Why? Because as women we’ve been fed fantasies about what love and marriage should be or are suppose to be like from the time we are children. From our Parents, society, Priest and Pastors, siblings, friends and TV talk shows that get you thinking, you’re getting the short stick. Television Talk Shows and Magazines tend to target women because women are the biggest consumers and audience for there shows and stories. Our “should's” form our beliefs. Need I say, these beliefs are irrational.

Statistics have always shown that the ratio of men to women decreases as we age. Women outlive men and the rate in which people are openly choosing same sex lifestyles is changing the face of our nation and narrowing our choices. Many people today are lonely. It’s hard to imagine anyone being lonely in a world filled with so many people.

Learn to look at the good in your partner and life. I’m sure you can think of many couples that are worse off then you. And focus on what is your reality instead of what you wish was your reality.

Count your blessings; you’re never going to get all your needs met in one person. In fact, it’s not fair to expect one person to live up to all your expectations, wants and desires. That’s too much pressure to put on any relationship. In fact; if you learn to live by this principle “expect nothing from anyone, because nobody owes you a thing. Therefore anything anyone does for you is a gift” you will be much better off.

You certainly can try and be demanding with the gifts you receive as well but where is the love in that? The more pressure we apply to a person through nagging and complaining we disable them from fulfilling what we want because we are weakening them and draining the very strength they need to make us happy. Desire only what comes from a persons’ heart. In America we have so much and keep expecting more and more however and wherever it comes to us. But making someone else responsible for your happiness is always a disaster waiting to happen.
Solution: Model the behavior you want back.

Compliment and thank your partner whenever they do something that makes you happy. Start thanking them for small things like paying a bill or taking out the trash. Let them know how much they’re appreciated. Women tend to set the emotional tone for the relationship. So, start on a positive note and stay on it. Keep your negative thoughts to yourself. Mull over them and think of diplomatic ways to get your message across without complaining. Or just decide to let it go. I challenge you to go 2 days or even a week without complaining about anything your partner says or does and see what a difference it makes. I’m sure you’ll be amazed at the results.

Be grateful. After a couple of days you will become grateful for what you have. Many of my friends are single and lonely. And how I remember the times when I was. Once you’re over 30 it becomes more difficult to find a mate. There are plenty of single people out there, but they have all got scars and are afraid. Fear then is also a hidden factor that causes our complaining. We’re afraid someone’s cheating; lying; or hiding something from us. We become afraid we’re going to lose our lover and thus project that fear into the relationship by questioning; nagging and complaining. You begin to act and feel like a spy. Believe me, it’s a lot of work being this way and you risk getting the very results you fear.
10 Tips to a Happier You
1) Stop Complaining
2) Look At the Bright side
3) Model the behavior you want from your Partner
4) Say thank you and compliment your partner for the things they do
5) Examine your fears. Be sure you are always acting from love and not fear.
6) Give the benefit of the doubt.
7) Be realistic Stop allowing your mind to run into madness, fantasy and obsessive thinking.
8) Take control of your thoughts and your behavior will change.
9) Be Happy!
10) When you find yourself unhappy-STOP!-say to yourself; “I choose happiness in this moment.” Then, let go of the negative thought and replace it with a positive one. One that is true about your situation. And of course, read my book.



Vivian Gale, AS., BA., Counselor, Author of “Fart In The Wind” An Emotional and Spiritual Guide to Effective and Graceful Communication with Anybody. www.viviangale.com

ARE YOU HAPPY

Vivian Gale, AS. BA., Counselor

AUTHOR OF:

FART IN THE WIND

www.viviangale.com

I ran into an old acquaintance tonight. It was good to see them but when I was driving home, I was thinking they didn't look very happy. I identified with that demeanor so well because I have worn it so often myself. Many people are not happy. Yet, they walk around faking it, or merely existing as if that happiness was their fate for life.

I am here to tell you that your happiness is just a choice away! If you happiness depends on someone else, you are living life all wrong. Regardless of what someone else is or isn't doing or being should not depict your happiness. It took me sometime to learn this. I have to create my happiness. It is up to me and nobody else.

If you are unhappy, look around you. Ask yourself, what or who is it in your life that makes you feel drained, frustrated and confused. Have you identified the object of your unhappiness yet? The source? Yes, good okay. Now examine for a moment your interaction and spoken or unspoken agreements you've made with that person place or thing. Maybe your attached to a job that is draining your spirit, or a house that is sucking all your income or a person that you've made commitments to.

How did you end up with the person place or thing? Was it love at first sight? Did you just have to have it, him or her? Did you think it was the most beautiful thing you ever saw. Did you think you couldn't live without that person, place or thing? However, as the days years and months rolled by, disappointment after disappointment cased your affection to wane. You started seeing that person place or thing in a different light, from a different perspective. Did you think that it would make you happy forever?

Have you been a disappointment as well to that same person, place, thing or situation? Did you disappointment cause you to change who you are in response to the other? If so, what can you do? Are you stuck?

You have choices today. Your happiness is only a choice away! One simple way to find peace in any situation is by applying the Serenity Prayer to it. The Serenity Prayer is a simple little prayer that says,

"God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference."

Serenity means peace. You will come to find happiness when you find peace in the midst of all your situations. Is your wife or husband an alcoholic or addict? Is your child pregnant. Do you hate your job or boss. Is your home life driving you mad?

When you have a plan, you feel empowered!

Do you have a plan for change? If not, you need one. Utilizing the Serenity Prayer will help you deal with what is, but having a plan too will empower you to change your circumstances; if you can. Sometime, time has a way of working things out. Sometime, there is nothing you can do but pray then surrender the outcomes. Here the courage to know the difference comes into play. After you've said, "God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, you will first assess whether or not there is anything you can do to affect change. If you can, you will decide what you can do, when to do it, who should be involved, where it will be carried out and how to do it. Who, what, when, where, why and how.

If you try all you ideas and there is no resolve, then it is time to release and let go. Once you let go you will experience freedom, then happiness with follow.

Staying in negative situations or unhealthy relationships is a trap many of us get caught in. We keep hoping things will change. However, in the process you are committing a form of suicide. Self-care is paramount in being happy. Any relationship that has unhealthy dependencies in it is bound for failure. Determine if it is healthy by asking yourself, why you are in it. How is it affecting you? How are you affecting it?

Did you just "end up" in the situation or deliberately create it? Now, what you accept in your life is a good determinate of how you value yourself. Remember, happiness is a choice away. Today, choose happiness for you. You deserve it. You couldn't do it for a better person.

Sometime we are unhappiness because of things in our past that hurt us. This is something you most likely cannot change. Death, abuse, divorce etc. are common issues that cause anger that lingers. In my book, "Fart in the Wind," I address issues and circumstances that cause unhappiness for us. Then I lead you on a path of self-discovery. You'll learn how your thinking, beliefs, choices and behaviors create and maintain your unhappiness, and you'll learn how to find freedom from the unhappy you, and develop a new and genuinely happy you.

Order Your Copy Today! . . . and find yourself embarking on the road to personal freedom and a new you.

Vivian Gale

AS. BA., Counselor

www.viviangale.com

~Peace on your Journey Home~